If the combined power of Disney, Hollywood and the Internet have taught us anything, it’s that falling head over heels in love is the MOST important thing we could ever do. Ever. Sadly however, for some of us, tripping off the edge of Lovers’ Leap doesn’t seem to come quite so naturally. But there is hope! If you deeply desire to throw caution to the wind and follow the crowd of besotted boyfriends and girlfriends who are clearly having all the fun, here’s 5 Easy Tips to help you get in Cupid’s crosshairs and ruin dramatically improve your love life! You’re welcome.
1. Make a Friend.
Yup, just one. It’s cool if you have a few friends of the same sex too but if you really want to speed things up, having one super-close friend of the opposite sex frankly just limits your options and makes this process a whole lot easier! Having one person that you give all of your attention and affection to works a treat! Be sure to share the deepest things of your heart regularly with them too. Try to communicate everyday, preferably late at night and if possible through some sort of social media or text messaging and before long you’ll find your heart’s a’skippin’ and a’jumpin’!
2. Stalk Them.
Back in the day, you could never get away with this without catching yourself in a restraining order but in the glorious 21st century, you can stalk the romantic target of your choice from a great distance at any time of the day! There’s nothing like hours of scrolling through that special someone’s profile pictures…and timeline pictures… and cover photos…and mobile uploads…and Instagram…and Snapchat… to turn those small friendly embers into a blazing inferno of love!! This technique is particularly effective when you’re feeling lonely and unwanted.
3. Feed Your Heart
Now clearly your heart is the brains behind this operation and so it must be kept functioning at maximum capacity! A highly concentrated diet of RomComs and Love Songs should keep your romance muscles pumping long enough to drown out any of that pesky reason or rationality that might be plaguing you. Remember that God is pretty strong and so you need your heart to be fighting-fit and ready to wrestle against Him should He try to intervene! Speaking of…
4. Forget Your Calling.
If you’ve never considered what God has called you to accomplish with your life, this one will be much easier for you. If you have, focus on whatever the person you’re trying to fall in love with wants to do in their life and just jump on the bandwagon! Let go of any previous convictions you may have held, they’ll only anchor you on the shores of boring wisdom while you’re trying to sail away into the sunset on the high seas of infatuation! You can just MAKE it work! The energy you get from that feeling of connection, that feeling of “I gave it all up for you!”will be enough to surpress any callings you have from God or any commitments you’ve made to Him. Besides it’s definitely going to work out… right? And if it doesn’t work out, there’s always tomorrow…right?
5. Get physical.
Hold your horses! You actually don’t have to jump straight in the sack for this one to work. Scientists tell us that applying plenty of close body contact can trigger enough chemicals in your brain to make you genuinely feel in love! I kid you not! You will become totally oblivious of any relational incompatibilities you may have with your object of desire, particularly if you have practiced the previous tips to a high enough standard. Of course the more intimate the touch, the more powerful the effect plus the smaller steps tend to make the bigger ones much easier. Be warned, this will eventually wear off so frequency is important if you want to continue the illusion for as long as possible! Some studies have shown that males may suddenly disengage completely following the use of this technique but the findings were ignored.
So there you have it! Who says you can’t control who you fall in love with! Look out below!! Geronimo!!