Guys, I think something’s wrong with me
I can watch a film in silence for 3 hours straight without taking a toilet break and weather an exploding bladder
But I can’t sit still before the throne of God for 3 minutes without thinking about something else.
I can eat my own bodyweight in meat and even throw in a few chocolates and sweet treats even though I’m not hungry
But I don’t have an appetite for the Word of God at all.
If Man shall not live by bread alone but every word proceeding from His mouth then I need to suss this out before I develop a wheat intolerance!
Because I can walk past a man who has no home and convince myself that he needs to make it on his own
And then step into my house and thank God for the blessing of a roof over my head and a warm bed
And food that will probably go bad before I can eat it.
The next day I might give him some change but not too much because I’m worried about how he might spend it.
I mean, I need it to get my coffee from Starbucks and that new pair of shoes to add to my collection.
Drugs? Haha! Caffeine’s not a drug! It’s legal! Haha(!)
Shoes? I need the right colour trainers to match at least one of my pairs of jeans obviously…
But something feels wrong.
I know the people around me are dying, some slowly and some more foamy like rapids.
They meander downstream but I’ve kept a dam on my lips in case the antidote to their poison slips out
And the Truth pours out like a river to deliver and carries them by the current of conviction back to the Source
Where they can be washed with living water and drink from the fountain of grace.
Does anyone else get this feeling? Like I’m in a four-walled Xbox that is keeping me PlayStationary,
Definitely not racing forward but always the first person,
Player 1 in my life holding the controller winning countless battles, completing innumerable missions
With endless victories but like the days before memory cards, no one is getting saved.
My status and prestige puts me in a pretty high league online but the real Injustice continues outside and I just close the blinds because the Sun hurts my eyes.
Something’s wrong because I know that lying is a sin that overflows from the heart within and I wouldn’t dream of doing it,
Unless it’s in a song on a Sunday morning.
“I GIVE MYSELF AWAY, I GIVE MYSELF AWAY UNTIL IT’S MONDAY…”
“IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU! JESUS! AND ALL THIS IS FOR YOU! IF You just do this thing for me…”
How many times can I tell God He is amazing and still not stand amazed?
How many times can I tell Him He is worthy of all my praise
And still give Him the dribs and drabs at the end of my day?
I think something must be wrong because it doesn’t even feel wrong that my Christ-ian Christ-like life
Doesn’t look like Christ at all. Like at all!
I’m not going for unrealistic expectations or trying to set a high bar for myself but
“THERE MUST BE MORE THAN THIS OH BREATH OF GOD COME BREATHE WITHIN!!”
“SHOW YOUR POWER OH LORD OUR GOD!! SHOW YOUR POWER OH LORD OUR GOD!!”
I thought to myself “maybe I’ve caught a disease.”
Like a spiritual STD from all the times I’ve been intimate with the world,
Allowing its thoughts and mind-sets into mine to become intertwined in the day and the night
But robbing me of the joy that was supposed to come in the morning
But really all that was left was mourning because I sold my birthright for a bowl of soup
And the seesaw of my faith became an eye-sore to this Esau who used to be so consistent
But the consistency of my prayers has become thick with
“Dear God, forgive me, I did it again” and thin on “Dear God give me the wisdom to share the gospel with friends.”
I called for an appointment with the Doctor for a cure for the common cold heart.
He told me I needed a baptism of fire taken in conjunction with a daily helping of the Word of God and humble pie
As part of a balanced diet.
He said there are airborne pathogens in the lofty heights of arrogance and so it’s best to get low and serve
And there you’ll learn to love.
I said “but what about my blindness that’s even keeping me from seeing You clearly now?”
He told me that the pure in heart are blessed and I might need a detox from all the mess
I filter through the windows of my soul and call entertainment.
I asked Him about the seal on my lips and He said
“Fill your heart to bursting with truth and your mouth will overflow in no time.”
I haven’t fully taken His advice yet. I wrote this poem instead. Let me get back to you.
-June 22nd 2017