Honesty time. Sometimes I have no idea why I blog. I’ve been doing it for a few years now and from time to time I get very close to just pressing delete on the whole thing.
I started blogging because I genuinely felt that I was having thoughts about church culture that were important and seemed to be helpful to others when I talked to them. I started feeling responsible to steward these thoughts well and share them with whoever I could.
Sometimes I wonder if that is just blatant arrogance and pride. Like what makes me think that in the vastness of the inter-verse I have anything unique to add? Do I really think that I’m so wise that people have to hear what I have to say?
Honestly? Yeah. Sometimes I do think that. And that is prideful and arrogant.
Other times I feel like I’ve walked into a gold mine of truth that I couldn’t have found for myself. I think of all the people I know and have met that would benefit from what’s inside and I get excited to share it! It’s going to bring healing! It’s going to bring encouragement! It’s going to bring challenge!
But pressing Publish takes an eternity sometimes.
I start thinking about how people will respond. Will they like it? Will they like me? Will they get angry? Will it go viral? Will anyone but my mum read it?
These questions sometimes reveal that my motives in posting aren’t always as selfless and altruistic as I want them to be. They show that sometimes I’m thinking more about myself than the people I say that I’m writing for.
And that’s another thing. I wonder sometimes if I should be writing at all. I’m only 29 years old and I don’t even fully practice a lot of the things that I write about in my own life. Does that make me a hypocrite? Even a well-intentioned one?
I wonder if I should be writing a blog or reading it instead.
In one of the more recent posts: Famous or Faithful, I talk about how I think that a lot of dreams that God gives us die prematurely because instead of trying to be faithful in what we’re given, regardless of the response, we try to get famous. I think I can be guilty of this one.
I know I can.
I actually had to stop checking the stats on the blog because I was starting to obsess about numbers.
Sometimes I just think my writing is lame. Sometimes I think I use too many lame pictures. Sometimes I think…too much.
If you’re a blogger or a vlogger or a friend and you wrestle with any of these thoughts or questions, I’d love to hear where you’ve settled in the comment section below, on Facebook or in person. Maybe you’ve never considered these and you have some initial thoughts on them. That’s good too.
Either way, thanks for reading. Look forward to hearing from you!