5 Christian Cocktails (or mocktails)

Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to mix your drinks?

No?

Mine neither.

But from what I’ve been told, a mixed drink is called a cocktail. You take a few things you like, throw them together and voila! A new creation! Who knew!?

I’ve noticed a few ways that we take our faith, the message of the gospel or the Church and mix them with other things and still call the new cocktail Christian.

It can be hard to spot but these concoctions have us slurring the truth and reeling in public in no time! This post is really not about alcohol but HERE’S ONE if you really want some thoughts on that!

So here’s 5 Christian Cocktail that blur our vision!

#1 The Political Piña Colada

This is a delightful concoction of questionable political opinions with a gentle undertone of Christian values. A popular favourite during election season.

#2 The Mega Mojito

This one has a straw, an umbrella, a flower and 3 fully lit sparklers sticking out of it, served with a generous level of dry ice and a thick mist billowing out of the top to cloud the room so you don’t have to talk to anyone.

#3 The Live-Your-Best-Life Long Island Iced Tea

This drink tastes exactly how you want it to taste! It was tailor-made for YOU. Just like God’s plans. It’s made of one part self-help and two parts prosperity gospel and is choc-full of crushed and condensed bible verses, made to order. It only costs $1,000 per glass.

#4 The Mostly Moral Martini

Now here’s a drink that most people like the taste of! It’s served in all the popular bars that humans frequent. This humble beverage is made only for good people. It’s served either with shaken theology or stirred with a generous variety religious beliefs and garnished with a small cluster of self-righteousness.

#5 The Judgemental Gin and Tonic

This drink is just better than everyone else. Served in a very tall glass to look down on all the others, this cocktail is a hit with picketers, Pharisees and blog writers. Served with a side of sour grapes.

Thanks for reading! I really hope you understand satire or that would’ve been such a strange 5 minutes!

Have you tried any of these?

Does your church sell any of them?

Leave your comments with the Christian cocktails you’ve been offered or that you’ve served that leave a bad taste in your mouth.

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