Why Do I Even Bother? Conflicted Thoughts of an Internet Blogger

Honesty time. Sometimes I have no idea why I blog. I’ve been doing it for a few years now and from time to time I get very close to just pressing delete on the whole thing.

I started blogging because I genuinely felt that I was having thoughts about church culture that were important and seemed to be helpful to others when I talked to them. I started feeling responsible to steward these thoughts well and share them with whoever I could.

Sometimes I wonder if that is just blatant arrogance and pride. Like what makes me think that in the vastness of the inter-verse I have anything unique to add? Do I really think that I’m so wise that people have to hear what I have to say?

Honestly? Yeah. Sometimes I do think that. And that is prideful and arrogant. 

Other times I feel like I’ve walked into a gold mine of truth that I couldn’t have found for myself. I think of all the people I know and have met that would benefit from what’s inside and I get excited to share it! It’s going to bring healing! It’s going to bring encouragement! It’s going to bring challenge!

But pressing Publish takes an eternity sometimes.

I start thinking about how people will respond. Will they like it? Will they like me? Will they get angry? Will it go viral? Will anyone but my mum read it? 

These questions sometimes reveal that my motives in posting aren’t always as selfless and altruistic as I want them to be. They show that sometimes I’m thinking more about myself than the people I say that I’m writing for.

And that’s another thing. I wonder sometimes if I should be writing at all. I’m only 29 years old and I don’t even fully practice a lot of the things that I write about in my own life. Does that make me a hypocrite? Even a well-intentioned one? 

I wonder if I should be writing a blog or reading it instead.

In one of the more recent posts: Famous or Faithful, I talk about how I think that a lot of dreams that God gives us die prematurely because instead of trying to be faithful in what we’re given, regardless of the response, we try to get famous. I think I can be guilty of this one. 

I know I can.

I actually had to stop checking the stats on the blog because I was starting to obsess about numbers.

Sometimes I just think my writing is lame. Sometimes I think I use too many lame pictures. Sometimes I think…too much.

If you’re a blogger or a vlogger or a friend and you wrestle with any of these thoughts or questions, I’d love to hear where you’ve settled in the comment section below, on Facebook or in person. Maybe you’ve never considered these and you have some initial thoughts on them. That’s good too. 

Either way, thanks for reading. Look forward to hearing from you!


5 thoughts on “Why Do I Even Bother? Conflicted Thoughts of an Internet Blogger

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  1. Hi TC, have you heard of the starfish story? It really encourages when I question why too.. here’s a version of it:Once upon a time, there was an old man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach every morning before he began his work. Early one morning, he was walking along the shore after a big storm had passed and found the vast beach littered with starfish as far as the eye could see, stretching in both directions.

    Off in the distance, the old man noticed a small boy approaching. As the boy walked, he paused every so often and as he grew closer, the man could see that he was occasionally bending down to pick up an object and throw it into the sea. The boy came closer still and the man called out, “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

    The young boy paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean. The tide has washed them up onto the beach and they can’t return to the sea by themselves,” the youth replied. “When the sun gets high, they will die, unless I throw them back into the water.”

    The old man replied, “But there must be tens of thousands of starfish on this beach. I’m afraid you won’t really be able to make much of a difference.”

    The boy bent down, picked up yet another starfish and threw it as far as he could into the ocean. Then he turned, smiled and said, “It made a difference to that one!”

  2. Hi there, I found your blog through WordPress reader, trying to find other Christians out there writing about similar things. Thanks for being so real about this (it was humorous too). Your thought process is certainly relatable – the overthinking, the second guessing, the worrying about being narcissistic or writing with the wrong motivations. I’ve had a personal blog for several years and was usually content to just share whenever inspiration struck. Not everyone cared, but some people did, and I was just happy that people found my posts of value.
    I’ve just started a new blog focusing on cultural issues and finding myself going through that second guessing phase all over again. I think it might be because the issues I am writing about are bigger than me so I’m not only more conscious of my writing and how it will be received, I actually really want more people to read it. I guess that’s OK – if God puts something on your heart, you should share it. You never know how God will use it. I also like to remind myself that blogging is the same as any other kind of content. If everyone thought that creating content was simply narcissistic, we wouldn’t have good Christian books to read or good worship music to build us up.
    But humility is key. I have to keep reminding myself that this is not about my own glory but His.
    Hope that made sense.

    1. Hey Camilla, thanks for taking the time to comment! Yeah I think keeping an eye on our hearts is huge while we continue to share. I’ve learnt over the years that sometimes I have to let what’s on my heart stay on my heart for a while before sharing it because God wants it to actually affect my heart first. So I need to take time praying about it whatever the issue is and making moves towards it in my own life and then I’m able to write better as I’m actually more in tune with His heart on it. I really appreciate your encouragement. I’ve had quite a lot since I wrote that post and my writing productivity has increased since then too!

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